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Monday, July 03, 2006 Infinity And then, rather suddenly, when I can't afford to call, the true distance between me and the people I love manifests itself. There is a phase change. No longer, "I'm lonely." Now, "I'm alone." A subtle shift closer to infinity, a branch of existence where change sill leaves you with the same label and location. That fallen over eight, with its loop-d-loop track, my new path in life. Like beer goggles, I lose perspective on direction - forward, backwards, sideways, front ways, there's no longer any clear distinction between them. Full on inertia maybe? Who's there to say otherwise? That tree in the forest - It just lets out a plaintive whine. And the song in the background provides a funny as in funny ha-ha coincidence, "A prize fight between your entropy and cowardice." Is alone, was alone, will be alone. Present, past, and future, not so perfect. Then atrophy hits. I count the leaves on the tree outside my window and, no, you're not hungry, don't be ridiculous it doesn't remind you of salad. No, I'm not bored either (by the way, you and I become uncomfortably similar when I'm alone - and! - bored). When you're young, it's called jaded, a term of indignation, holding on to some of its dignity. Now it's just boredom, hollow and unbecoming. I stare at the phone, contemplate throwing it at the tree outside my window. My hand even goes for it once, but I only end up beginning to dial, shucking the cost. Call it a drunk dial, with all of infinity making my vision swim. I'm amazed I get your number right. So where are you, my inamorata, my savior? posted by ezruh sellof at 2:26 AM 1 comments |
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I feel you Ez. More than you know or I'd like to. I'd love to say nice things like "Everything will work out" but neither of us would believe them. Just try to believe in yourself. And don't forget that you've got people who care about you, and that means a lot.
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